Wine is the Essence of Life. At least mine.

Its been a while. I wonder if anyone ever reads this anymore. Well....I guess Ill just post for my own personal enjoyment.

Things are alot different then they used to be. They really are. Im happy. I have friends. For the most part drama free. But its high school, so drama is inevitiable. I really think about how things used to be. How angry I used to be at the world. How badly I wanted to kill my self. But I dont any more. I am in a good place. Extermely stressed with school, but that comes with the terrirory of being a college bound senior. Ive been accepted to Mercer University. It is a seven hour drive away from my house. That is plenty of distance. But I really feel like I am going to miss my parents. Even though this past year has been hard, I'll miss them.

My mom broke her arm last week. We were in the car on our way to Georgia, she was drinking, hadnt eaten, drank to much, got out of the car which was parked on a hill, she fell. She wouldnt let me take her to the hospital and forbade me from calling anyone to come help. I was crying screaming this isnt fair. She drinks to much and I have to deal with the mess. I sat in a corner screaming how she was a horrible mother. She doesnt remember a damn thing. Well she remembers falling and that she wouldnt go to the hospital. Eventually I called my aunt sobbing begging for help. She hurried over and got my mom to the ER.  My mother was throughly upset I called my aunt in the moment, but later wasnt mad. There came a part in that night when i knew I couldnt do this alone. And part of maturity is knowing when to ask for help. Since then, my mother constantly apologizes for that night making sure Im not mad. I am. But I love my mother dearly and it would break her heart if she thought I was mad at her. I didnt say anything because I thought her falling would stop the drinking. But when I went to her house the other day Im pretty sure she had been drinking. Well damn. People never learn.

My father hasnt changed much. Im pretty sure he hates me. He doesnt talk to me much and when he does, it about how Im stupid for liking Obama. I volunteered with the President's campaign, which somehow meant that his re-election was soley my doing. As flattered as I am, NC was red. Therefore I had no contribution. We dont talk about me being gay. I mean I kinda understand where his distaste for me comes from. Georgia born and raised boy whose morals come from very conservative christian values and is a die hard republican has a gay democrat son, and it probably doesnt help that im his only son. Him and his fiancee are talking about having a kid. Half of me hopes its a boy so my dad gets the son he wants. The other half knows if it is a son, Im basically out of the picture.

You may be wondering why if this shit with my parents is being soooo rough, why I am so much happier. I mean, shit seems to have gotten worse right! But no. I have this deep connection with new friends. Some I hope Ill stay friends with forever. I am team college bound, meaning in 204 days I will be graduating high school and will be gone. I have deep ties with some teachers. Mr. Sidden my philosophy and music teacher is my favorite. He makes me laugh, tells me the truth, and when I need thirty minutes by myself during lunch break, he lets me stay in his room. Sometimes he picks me up fastfood, but thats a secret.  Hes pretty great.

Tamriage is still around, and as always, is my best friend. He is the best friend I could ever have. He is truly amazing. He doesnt know it, but he is why I am still here. Times I have wanted to kill myself, he has stopped me.

I still get sad sometimes. Sometimes I want to cut. But I dont. I dont want to go down that path again. Things are looking bright.  Life seems to be harder then it actually is. Im pretty sure I want to start posting more. If you read this, please comment. Something small. I just want to know if I have any listeners to my crazy story.