Dicimbre or something of the same

Tonight is poker night.
My father and i go to this random house,
Play poker,
The adults drink,
Me and the other two sons who go only get water or another non-alchoalic drink.
I occasionaly steal some liquor.
But anyways...
Its a fun night.
Its one of those nights where i forget all of my resentemens towards my dad,
I love it.

Suicide cam through my mind yet again today.
I think i shall OD on the eve before my birthday.
Mabe not to kill me.
But to knock me out.
I dont know.
Mabe i do want to die.
Mabe i dont.
Thoughts?

Would you kill yourself?
Can you imagine doing it?
Can you see your self in 5 years?