From The North Caronlina Department of Motor Vehicles

9 days ago i went to the DMV and got my permit.
I am now allowed to drive a car on the road with a parent in the car.
Out of the last 9 days,
I have gotten to drive 3 times.
My mother wont take me because her nerves cant handle it.
My father wont take me because he doesnt feel like it,
Only my godparents will take me.
That is only the start of why my mother and father are turning into my worst enemies.
Though my mother knows that i want nothing more then to just drop dead,
She still yells at me all the time.
All she does is blame me,
Laugh at me,
Yell at me,
Shes killing me.
Whenever she yells i bite my lip.
Literally.
I bite really hard.
Its my way of cutting in front of her.
She may not notice it.
It may not be that bad.
But its all i can do to stop my self from killing her.
From going insane,
Hell. Its to late for that.
Ive aalready lost it,
I used to be a perky person.
I always made a presence.
Or at least that is what i am told.
But now,
I dont want to be noticed.
I just want to slip into the backk ground
Why has this changed took place?
I was told at Speak Out that depression most likely runs in the family.
My Great-Grandfather killed himself.
My Uncle attempted suicide.
My mother has been on anti-depressents.
She tells me none of this is my fault.
That its genetic.
But i dont think so.
My life is falling apart.
The love of my life left me.
Went to him.
We are now best friends.
But wait!
Shes leaving and going to another school.
I feeli like my friends are drifting.
My grades are slipping.
My life is not what it used to be.
I feel like im not worth it any more.