Death from Embrassment

Have you ever felt tired of being left out.
Of your family being happy...
Without you there.
Have you ever felt tired ofbeing alone.
My mom asked why I have been upset today
Maybe its because I wanted to go to the mall with my dad and sisters but everyone tried their hardest to get me not to go.
Maybe its because I wanted to go to a concert with my sister but she made me feel bad because she didn't want me there.
Maybe its because when I'm around everyone is fighting,
But when I leave they are all okay.
Maybe its when I want to talk,
No body is there to listen.
Maybe it because when I feel alone,
No body is there to comfort me.
Maybe its because when I need love,
All I get is hate.
Maybe its because when I need you,
Your not there.
Or maybe,
Its because I'm tired of being the only one who gives a damn about me.

Lyfe.

I want to meet you.
I want to look you in the eye.
I want to sit with you.
I want talk to you.
Hell, all i want to do it see you.
You dont know it but your one of my best friends.
Your one of the only people who i tell everything too.
You are an amazing person.
I love you, as a friend.

1130 N Main Street

Do you know what its like to work hard to do something.
And it fails.

So heres my day
Wake up to screaming people because their house is flooding.
Clean SOMEONE elese house because of the broken pipe.
Get clean WITHOUT water.
Get dressed.
Go to a 1 year olds party to be with the girl i like.
Excpet i sat their for an hour until she got their.
Asked her out.
She said no.
FML

Go hug Aunt Rita

If i could write a letter to me...
And send it back in time
To my self at 13.
Heres what it say.

Dear Sam at 13.
First, ill prove its me by saying, look behind your bed side table drawer. Theres a box where you keep ciggereats. That no one knows about but you. So heres some advice for you. These next few years are going to be hard. You are going to get in more trouble then you could ever imagine. You know that weed you stole and gave to Jude and Frankie, yeah mom finds out. Advice, dont get caught. Im not gonna lie and say doing the weed was a mistake. So coming up in your life you are going to start doing something you never thought you would do. Your gonna start cutting.And you will stop and start again time after time. But eventually by the time you are 15 you will be done with that. You also will start smoking ciggerates. Which is something i advise you to stop. Because you end up spending alot of money on that habit. Your gonna start dating this girl named gaby. And you are going to think you love her with all your heart. And when you break up it is the end of the world. Its not. Things get better. You meet brooke. And then youll meet more girls.
Live a good life.

Love,
Sam

correction

Correction she is not a blogger whore. She called me a blogger attention whoré

Number 9

Had a greart day.
Except when he learned his "friend" in canada thinks he is a jerk,
Who is a "blogger whore"
Even though im always nice to you.
And try to help you...
But thanks :/

Other than that i am great.
Saw brooke today(:
Having an okay life.
But i lost a follower:/

Baby...

Has something ever seemed like a better idea,
Then an actual concept?
Like the idea of haveing pancakes is good.
But theres alot of work into making those pancakes.
Alot of work into getting those pancakes ready to be eaten.
And what if they arent that good?
What if they arent worth the work?

So basically here is what that mean by that metaphore.
I like brooke.
I like her alot.
But im worried about starting a new realshinship.
Im want to start it.
Im going to date her.
Im just worried.
And needed to vent.
Ideas?

Congruent Angles

Ugh.
So Gaby got kinda more....obsessed?
She keeps talking about being "addicted" to me.
And well, she keeps telling me she wants me back.
Then I tell her you know what? im over you.
So after i tell her this,
She then proceeds to tell me shes over me.
Shes so....wishy washy.
I dont know what her deal is latley.
She even broke up with her boyfriend for me.
But she got him back when i said i didnt want to go back out.
Why would a 15 year old boy want to date a girl who wants to get married like, tommorow?
Guess what girls.
No matter how perfect your guy seems,
We arent much for future commitment.
Like, we love you.
We really do.
But when we are young,
We dont want to hear about getting married.
If we end up getting married thats great.
If we dont,
Its just high school babe.
Youll get over it.

Love is in the air, and im coming down with something

I went on my first date yesterday.
Well not my first date, But my first date since me and gaby broke up.
I went with this girl named Brooke.
And we had a great time.
We went to see Valentines Day
We had alot of fun,
And i am seeing her again tonight(:

To Wittness Love.

Today in English we read o poem on Love.
I almost broke down,
Not because of the poem.
But because of my teacher remarks about the poem.
He started talking about marriage.
And when you get married, and have kids,
You have to find a new, deeper connection with your spouse.
He talked about how you should lover your spouse.
About how if you dont,
You marriage will end.
He would stop.
And so i started to wonder why my parents couldnt make their marriage work.
Last night,
I had a wonderful dream.
My parents, never divorced.
And we went on a fmaily road trip.
I miss my old life,
And hate the new one.

Im on a ledge and about to jump.

My family truly hates me, and i am truly alone in this world.
My sister and I got into a fight this morning, she proceeds to call me "F Boy."
She finds it funny to make fun of my grades.
She then makes sure i know everyone hates me.
No one likes me at all.
And they all wish i would just leave.
My father, takes her side.
I call my mother wanting her to pick me up from my fathers house.
She says no.
She said no to me, as i was thinking about hanging my self in my new clost.
So now,i sit on my bed.
Stare into that dark closet.
Listening to the sounds of my itunes playlist,
And the distant sound of my sisters making fun of me.
Thats my life.
And i hate it.
Maybe my sister is right.
Maybe no one does want me.
What if i ran away?
Would anyone care?
Everything that hates me here.
They are so fake.
Last night me and my sister were laughing, haveing a great time.
Today, she treats me like she hates me.
Everyone hates me, even my self.
I have nothing good to offer.
Im not smart.
Im ugly.
Im fat.
Im a cutter.
Im bisexual.
All of these my family makes me feel bad about my self for.
Even though they dont know im still as cutter, or that i am bi.
They make me feel bad about it.
I hate my self.

That turns out the lights.

For starters....
http://www.formspring.me/Sammytinnc
Ask me anything.
I love funny, awkward qurstions.
They make my day.

And i have a confession.
Which for you isnt a big deal.
But i need to say it.
I feel like my parnets divorce is my fault.
I want to kill my self.
And my family gennerally hates me.

Thats my life.
Fml.
Longer post to come.