Im Only Gonna Break Your Heart

Im the one who wants to die.
Im the one who says hes not okay.
Im the one who is about to cry.
Not because of him.
But because of his unintended actions.
I get upset he doesnt care.
I threaten not to be his friend he says okay.
I tell him to stop he doesnt.
Fuck you.
You say you love me but you go off with him.
You say we are best friends,
But you choose him when im about to cry.
You dont realize it.
But i love you.
Not as a friend.
Your beautiful.
Your kind.
Your sweet.
I wish you could be mine.
When  hear certain songs i think f you.
Why cant i just ever be happy.
For me that never happens.
I become happy for a while.
Then it all gets ruined.
I need to leave this place.
Why am i the one who is always like this.
You kill me.
And you dont even know it.

Wouldnt it be nice if we were older?

Why did it happen again?
I had a mental breakdown during lunch today. I started yelling at Tamriage.
I started hitting him.
He didnt realize that i was actually breaking down,
So he started messing with me.
Sat next to me.
And i flipped.
I left.
Went into a empty classroom.
I started crying a little.
Cleard my head.
Then went to Ms. Lovells room.
She was teaching.
I told her i needed to talk.
Told her i had a break down.
Now i am here.
Listening to 1950's music.
Because she is teaching her class about that decade.
I need this.
I want to die.
But i know if i do, i wont live to see what comes next.
I know i sound dumb.
But its true.
Im half crying.
Watching 7th graders dance to elvis.
Tamriage.
If you read this.
Im sorry i hit you.

Normal Teenagers

You need to stop.
You make me cry.
I want to die.
I go to your fucking house.
To fucking see you.
You know...since your my father and all.
You get pissed cause myn mother is pissed at you for being a fucking asshole.
We have to leave.
You tell me i only wanted to go to yuor house cause Ruth was there?
Bitch i know thats your mistress.
In fact, i didnt want to see her.
She is kind of the fucking reason all this shit is happening.
And then you want me to ride in the car with you?
Hell No.
Then you have the nerve to say "Im not mad at you?"
Thats good that your not....
I am fucking pissed at you.

A Childrens Book.

The rain is pouring out of the sky.
Like the tears falling from my eyes.
I cry and cry.
My life is a wreck.
I want to die.
You know what?
I should be here.
In the place.
I need to leave,
No one wants me here.
Why would they?
Im not worth it.
She doesnt text me anymore.
The other she starts drama.
Lord help me.
Why do people feel this way.
Why do i feel this way.
Why?
Why?
Why?
Its like a pain that never stops.
A mindset that wont change.
Its like depression is my default setting.
Why do i feel this pain?
Why do i want to cut my self?
More then i ever have wanted to before?
This isnt right.
It cant be.
It just cant.

):(:

How can I hate something that is so beautiful?


Its late.

The sun is setting.

The sky is a beautiful.

Towards the horizon it is a light blue, almost white.

Higher up it gets to be a dark blue.

It’s a clear nigh, not a cloud in sight.

A few stars appear here and there, but its to early for them.

All I can really see is the black silhouette of them.

I hear ducks quaking.

I sit.

In my over sized bowl like chair.

Cuddled in blankets.

Listening to “Hey Soul Sister.” By the train.

About to go read my newest book.

“The boy and the dog are sleeping.

I love this.

But hate this.

My father doesn’t understand who I am.

I get yelled at for everything.

My sister kicked me as hard as she could on my head today.

But I got in trouble for yelling at her.

I have asked 30 times to drive during this trip.

The first time my sister asked to drive, she gets to drive all the way back to our mountain house.

I have grown to resent m father evern more, shocker?

My thoughts of killing myself have returned yet again.

Today I contemplated the thought of when my father finally lets me drive,

Driving us off a cliff.

Or staying in my room and setting the house on fire.

I would never do these things.

But that’s what I think.

The song has changed.

I am now listening to Check Yes Juliet by We the Kings.

I want to die.

My friends never text me anymore.

This is driving me crazy.

I can not wait to go to Georgia tomorrow.

I bought a bowl for me and my cousin to smoke with.

It’s a corn cob pipe.