Take Bong hits and Laugh like Hell

I have made some new friends! You remember when i talked about going to the party and that guy saying i should come more? In that gorup of people there are these two girls, Annie and Livi. Annie is this cool girl who is really fiesty. While Livi is this down to earth girl who is super mellow. We talk about everything. Boys. Cutting. Life. Like she is so much like me. Today we went to starbucks and talked, Annie came too. They are great. Im glad i am finnaly making friends that dont go to Paisley.

So a week ago when we were with the crew, thats what imma gonna refer to that group at the party as, Reid, my sister, got a tattooo! Long story short, Livi got ahold of a tattoo gun and was giving people tattoos. And guess what...I got one!

Ay, Who wants to shotgun?

So have you ever had one of those nights that you thought couldnt get any worse, but then you feel amazing by the end of it? Night was one of those nights.

So this weekend was supposed to be "my weekend" as my sister put it. Because I am always DD and this was the weekend where i wasnt supposed to have to do it. So in the beginning of the night we all went out to dinner. I asked whats the plan for the night? They were "just going back to Anna's." That was a lie because I heard them on the phone talking about buying alcohol. Well we got into a big fight about that. So I get home, get into an argument with my mom because i am in a bad mood, and i get into bed. Welll like 20min later Reid comes home because she felt bad and came to get me. So we go to this kid named Justins house who I have met once but didnt talk to. There were all these people there that i knew who they were, but i was known as Reids' brother. Well after we chill for a while and weve been drinking, its time to go. As we are leaving we go to tell everyone bye. And the kid Justin was like is the first time theyve let you drink? I said yes. And he was like "New offical rule. Reid, if yall come to my house, Sam has to come. And he is not allowed to be DD, This kids is hysterical like Dan Cook." It made me feel good. I know its lame. But like, when you are only known as Reids brother, then you get to be the kid that they want invited, it makes you feel good.

Zebra Print and Pink Poka-Dots

I was supposed to go hiking this morning. And I really didnt want to. I tried so hard to get out of it. Then my dad calls and cancels. Is it wrong that I am slightly angry with him? Like I totally understand why he cancelled, he had to work last night. But I dont know, I feel angry. I guess its the fact that we are going with a group, and he still wants me to go even if he cant.

So the reason my dad and I go on hikes is because this summer we are going to Philmont Scout Reservation. We go hiking to prepare. He never gets to go. I never want to go. Hell, I really dont want to go on this trip at all. I hate the people. I could have gone to Italy. But I got guilted into going on a trip a I defiently dont want to go on. But if I tell my dad this, he will just yell and scream at me and hate me even more. He hates me. He really does. And do you know why he hates me? Because Im gay.

So incase its not painfully obvious, I am gay. I love boys. Boys=Love. And my dad hates me for this. Let me give you the back story. Last summer I went to visit my cousin in Georgia. While down there I experimented with this boy. On my way home from GA, I messaged my dads girlfriend, who i am EXTREMLY close too, and told her that i think that i am deifently gay. Later that night my dad took my phone away and read these messages. He got pissed. Left the house and didnt tell me. Said I couldnt stay at his house, I had to stay with my Mom. He wouldnt talk to me for like a week. And then after that he was awkward. Now he makes VERY homophobic remarks ALL the time. Like when its just me and him.

But the thing is, Im not going to change for him. He thinks this is just a phase that I will pass through. Nope not really. Im here, and Im queer. Im loud and Im proud(:

T is Amazing

Pardon the title, he asked me too(: Well this may sound lame, but today is me and my friends "one year anniversary." Last year on this day our school had this event called "Fine Arts Night." Me and this amazing girl named C started talking, which is odd because we have never really talked before that. Well that night I told her my secret, that Im gay. And let me tell you. Then, that was a big deal. Only three other people knew that. By me telling her this, it showed that I fully trusted her. I really did. And in the year too come, she has changed me. She has showed me that being me, is all that matters. By telling C this I also then became close to A. And A, is her own person. She is the smart and innocent. And she listens, to whatever you have to say. You can rant and rave about whatever you want. By becoming close to these two i then got even closer to G. G is my friend, my purity buddy, and my former love. We have dated, broken up (due to the fact that im gay.) She helps me out. She is hysterical. And then comes T. Since he will read this, Ill be nice. But honestly, he is great. His "swag is through the roof," as he puts it. But I love him. Hes great.

Bigger and Bigger

In need of a rant...so here we go...

I feel ugly all of the time. I am a fat. I have these nasty looking stretch marks on my stomach. So on my arms. And on my legs. I am 6 foot four and 250 pounds.I need to lose about 75pounds to be at a healthy weight. God why am i like this. I eat to much. I dont excersie enough. Not like it makes a differnce.
 Whenever i do diet and excersise i loose no weight. I wear either and XL or XXL. Size 42 pants. Thats bigger than my dads. Lord why am i this big. I get tired easy. I want to lose weight but i cant. I want to try but i cant.

Delta Works

It has been a pleasant week, except for the fact that my car is broken. You know how sometimes when your driving you have to go in reverse? Yeah my car decided it doesnt like doing that anymore.

Anyways, I know your probably tired of hearing about my lame love life but i need to rant. So basically last summer I was semi-talking to this boy, will call him B. Well B randomly stoped talking to me. Like i didnt hear from him for several months.Till the other day when he messaged me on Facebook. We have been talking, alittle each night because he is grounded and doesnt get much/if any computer time. But we arent talking like....flirty. Just regular. I am confused. Boys=Complicated.

Now on to a new subject....My friends. I know this is going to sound really lame, but i feel like my friends dont trust me/dont want to/dont tell me anything. Like honestly i let my heart out to these people. And when they talk about their lives when we are all together, they talk in codenames that i dont understand. But the others do. And they tell eachother everything while i am left guessing. Lordy. But im trying to ignore it, because i would prefer no more drama.

Well, im going to read my book, "I love you Phillip Morris."
You should read it.
You should also go watch the show "Rupauls Drag Race."