Im a fiddle player.

I feel used.
Hurt.
Broken.
Betrayed.
You used me from sexual gain.
Well I always choose such losers.
Find me a man who wants a realtionship not sex.
Who will love me not lust me.
One who will support me.
Help me find that man.

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Like its Thanksgiving and it ain't coming back.

Off to GA to see the family.
Off to see that boy.
Lord help me.

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Don't go in there...

Hello.
I love you.
I want you back.
I love you.
I need you
But I best not.
I need someone new.
I really do.
Shannon....
Find me a man. :)

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You are the best thing

Your life is perfect.
You have friends.
You get to go out.
I am your brother.
You are supposed to love me.
You are supposed to include me.
I cover your ass.
I make sure you don't get caught.
I lie for you all the time.
I am tired of this.
I'm tired of this.
You say we are like best friends.
Bestfriends don't do this to one another.

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And never look back

I want to run away from home.
Goodbye.
So long.
They wont miss me.
Theyll put on a show.
And act like they do.
But they are liars.
I plan my getaway now.

The fact that I hated it somehow pleased them even more

You make me go to that school.
You say its good for me.
This is horrible.
I want to be back in the 8th grade.
Life was perfect then.
Actually it was horrible,
But better then now.

I used to have this girlfriend.
Lets call her G.
I loved G.
I ended up hating G.
Me and G. started talking again.
I want G. back.
We were great.
We could be greater.
But i guess i understand why you dont come back.

Life is complicated.

Hello. Can't work today, still queer.

Im different. I get that.
Im not a normal boy.
You watch football.
I watch Greys Atanomy.
You play football.

I dont like going to football games.
You cant wait to see Iron man.
I cant wait to see For Colored Girls.
You say that girl is hot.
I know her deepest secret.
You want to get with her.
I want to take her shopping.
Why does it matter.
He like girls.
She likes boys.
I think i like both.
By think i like both.
I mean im not sure if i like girls at this point.
They say i need to come out.
Why.
I never said i was straight.
Straight boys dont have to say im straight.

IB will be the Death of Me.

Long time, no post D:
I havent posted since July 6th
Thats because life has been a rollercoaster since then.
I have built up. Torn down.
Done things i wish i hadnt.
Became best friends with someone.
Hated that person.
And now we are cool.
They think i liike them more than i actually do.
Her name?
Ruth, my fathers girlfriend.

Did you know that i am fifteen years old?
I am not forty two as my mother might think.
She talks trash about my dad.
About Ruth.
She tells me about the more adult part of my parents divorce,
Like the cheating. The lying.
But i dont want to hear it.
I tell her but it goes in one ear and out the other.

I have four best friends.
Only four.
Reid has like 10.
(Reid is my older sister)
Reid goes to real high school.
Reid goes to real parties.
Reid has lots real friends.
Reid is normal.
Sam goes to a fake high school.
Sam goes to fake parties.
Sam has only 4 real friends.
Sam isnt normal.

Lying Liars

This is complete bullshit i must say.
The words you say.
The promises you make.
Everytime you said i love you.
BULLSHIT.
I miss the past.
I want the future.
The present is confusing.

Dat Blueberry Kush

I am currently vactioning in good ole Griffin, GA.
I am hanging out with my cousins, Tad and Kim.
They are my oldest two cousins,
Their pretty cool.

Life latley has been all over the place.
I feel like i am being played.
Everyone lies to me,
Ruth says we should be close.
I tell her everything.
She doesnt tell me anything.
Reid says she loves me.
Then she blames me for everything.
People are only nice when i have something to give.

Jordan

I wanna cry tears of joy while screaming a scream of unhappiness.
I want to cry the tears of people making fun of me.
Be happy with the dace that i mioght have a date.
Cry me a river.
I dont dare tell on my sister for hurting me, cause i would be the ones who would get in trouble.
I hate this.
But love it,.

Boaz-Dunnum

Do you understand how life changes.
My parents divorced 6 months ago.
My learn my father cheated on my mother.
With Ruth.
Last night at 12am i walked to Ruths.
She and my father knew i was going.
Me. Ruth. Chris. Amber. and David.
Thats who was there.
We all sat around and talked.
I dont mean like hows the weather,
I mean deep shit.
I mean how divorce changes people.
How being there for someone is all you can do sometimes.
My mom says those guys are no good.
But they treat me like i am an adult.
They treat me like i am somebody.
I am important.

Im Smiling...So Fuck Off

 You make fun of my glasses.
My hair.
My pants.
My smile.
My stories.
And yet i call you my best friend.
You asked me why i havent blogged in a while.
Well its kind of because im scared youll read it.
Well im going to be completly honest.
You dating her has killed me.
Not just because you asked her infront of me.
Or becauase whenever yall kiss i wish i was you.
But because you dating her, has changed you.
Your jokes, arent funny now, there just mean.
I cant talk to you anymore because she is two stepps behind you.
Young life used to be where i could talk to you.
Now its an hour where i want to leave because im being ignored.
Im so tired of this
It just adds the shit to my life.
Like that i found out my father has a girlfriend,
I learned this because i read his.
They have kinky sex.
Which is discugusting.
But i found a whip in his room, and some handcuffs.
His girlfriend is my new math tutor, convient?
She is really nice no me and takes me places.
She treats me like she loves me.
But my mom told me that shes only nice to me to get good with dad.
Im the only child that knows of her.
Between reading his texts,
And my mom telling me when she was drunk.
Not calling her an alchoalic. It was a one time thing.
But hell.
My life is all over the place

Grey

I am about to say something i have been thinking. But never said.
Its the worse thought i have ever thought of.
I understand why my father cheated and left my mother.
I cry when i think that.
Though i love my mother,
She is an overbearing bitch.
This divorce is killing me.

Anatomy.

Sorry for not posting for a hwile.
Been superrr busy.
Welll.
Recap?
Parents split.
Father cheated on mother.
I like girl
Tam likes girl.
Girl like tam.
Lifes crazy. More to come later.

Im Only Gonna Break Your Heart

Im the one who wants to die.
Im the one who says hes not okay.
Im the one who is about to cry.
Not because of him.
But because of his unintended actions.
I get upset he doesnt care.
I threaten not to be his friend he says okay.
I tell him to stop he doesnt.
Fuck you.
You say you love me but you go off with him.
You say we are best friends,
But you choose him when im about to cry.
You dont realize it.
But i love you.
Not as a friend.
Your beautiful.
Your kind.
Your sweet.
I wish you could be mine.
When  hear certain songs i think f you.
Why cant i just ever be happy.
For me that never happens.
I become happy for a while.
Then it all gets ruined.
I need to leave this place.
Why am i the one who is always like this.
You kill me.
And you dont even know it.

Wouldnt it be nice if we were older?

Why did it happen again?
I had a mental breakdown during lunch today. I started yelling at Tamriage.
I started hitting him.
He didnt realize that i was actually breaking down,
So he started messing with me.
Sat next to me.
And i flipped.
I left.
Went into a empty classroom.
I started crying a little.
Cleard my head.
Then went to Ms. Lovells room.
She was teaching.
I told her i needed to talk.
Told her i had a break down.
Now i am here.
Listening to 1950's music.
Because she is teaching her class about that decade.
I need this.
I want to die.
But i know if i do, i wont live to see what comes next.
I know i sound dumb.
But its true.
Im half crying.
Watching 7th graders dance to elvis.
Tamriage.
If you read this.
Im sorry i hit you.

Normal Teenagers

You need to stop.
You make me cry.
I want to die.
I go to your fucking house.
To fucking see you.
You know...since your my father and all.
You get pissed cause myn mother is pissed at you for being a fucking asshole.
We have to leave.
You tell me i only wanted to go to yuor house cause Ruth was there?
Bitch i know thats your mistress.
In fact, i didnt want to see her.
She is kind of the fucking reason all this shit is happening.
And then you want me to ride in the car with you?
Hell No.
Then you have the nerve to say "Im not mad at you?"
Thats good that your not....
I am fucking pissed at you.

A Childrens Book.

The rain is pouring out of the sky.
Like the tears falling from my eyes.
I cry and cry.
My life is a wreck.
I want to die.
You know what?
I should be here.
In the place.
I need to leave,
No one wants me here.
Why would they?
Im not worth it.
She doesnt text me anymore.
The other she starts drama.
Lord help me.
Why do people feel this way.
Why do i feel this way.
Why?
Why?
Why?
Its like a pain that never stops.
A mindset that wont change.
Its like depression is my default setting.
Why do i feel this pain?
Why do i want to cut my self?
More then i ever have wanted to before?
This isnt right.
It cant be.
It just cant.

):(:

How can I hate something that is so beautiful?


Its late.

The sun is setting.

The sky is a beautiful.

Towards the horizon it is a light blue, almost white.

Higher up it gets to be a dark blue.

It’s a clear nigh, not a cloud in sight.

A few stars appear here and there, but its to early for them.

All I can really see is the black silhouette of them.

I hear ducks quaking.

I sit.

In my over sized bowl like chair.

Cuddled in blankets.

Listening to “Hey Soul Sister.” By the train.

About to go read my newest book.

“The boy and the dog are sleeping.

I love this.

But hate this.

My father doesn’t understand who I am.

I get yelled at for everything.

My sister kicked me as hard as she could on my head today.

But I got in trouble for yelling at her.

I have asked 30 times to drive during this trip.

The first time my sister asked to drive, she gets to drive all the way back to our mountain house.

I have grown to resent m father evern more, shocker?

My thoughts of killing myself have returned yet again.

Today I contemplated the thought of when my father finally lets me drive,

Driving us off a cliff.

Or staying in my room and setting the house on fire.

I would never do these things.

But that’s what I think.

The song has changed.

I am now listening to Check Yes Juliet by We the Kings.

I want to die.

My friends never text me anymore.

This is driving me crazy.

I can not wait to go to Georgia tomorrow.

I bought a bowl for me and my cousin to smoke with.

It’s a corn cob pipe.